Yes, I do wear my seatbelt on the bus

My seatbelt is securely fastened.

            When I think about it, this thin band that stretches across my seat on the Salt Lake Express and rests snuggly on my lap is almost pointless, which is undoubtedly why my four nameless, snoring companions disregarded it.  If this bus – which, for all intents and purposes, is a metal tube with wheels – swerved, crashed, flipped, etcetera, my lap band would do very little to keep me from my untimely and likely painful death. Or road rash, for that matter.

            But it’s the principle of the thing that matters, right?

The young, also nameless driver of tonight’s excursion, who I suspect is a speed racer when his Salt Lake Express tips don’t pay rent, is hurtling through the rain as if he can outrun the darkness of the wee morning hours by the pressure he puts on the gas pedal.

This driver, let’s call him Salt Lake Express Guy, has me intrigued. I keep looking up – mostly to make sure that we are still on the road as opposed to in a ditch or en route to the afterlife – and he’s just chilling in his seat with his little ear buds in, staring blankly at the open road in front of him.

            What are you listening to, Salt Lake Express Guy? Aren’t you bored? Why do you have this job? Don’t you know that driving is literally more boring than watching paint dry?  I’m sure you do, since you do it all the time. How do you stay in shape when you have to drive all over the Northwest region every day? Sitting in a chair for eight hours on a daily basis can’t possibly be good for your bum. I bet you’re doing ab crunches in your seat, Salt Lake Express Guy. Very creative.

I just attempted to wipe the drowsiness from eyes and realized that I forgot to put mascara on…but I am dawning all of the eyeliner and shadow. What a cute look, Self. I suppose I couldn’t expect too much since it is 3am, and I effectively moved from one side of Idaho to the other less than 24 hours ago.

            Good Lord. We just paired a gust of wind with a bump (or a small mountain) in the road, which occurred in hurricane conditions…even though Utah is landlocked. Whatever. It thrust my stomach into my throat. Maybe you should let me drive, Salt Lake Express Guy.

            Don’t do that. I’m a horrible driver. We would definitely crash.

            The sun doesn’t look like she’s going to make an appearance anytime soon, and I still have a couple turbulent hours to weather in my metal tube. Apparently, Salt Lake International Airport now has free Wi-Fi. About freaking time.

XOXO

Safe travels!