Fact: Airplane rides are boring. Comparable to watching
grass grow or paint dry, riding on planes and in cars are two of the most
coma-inducing periods of time spent, or rather, wasted. I wish I could just
apparate everywhere – shout out to my boy Harry Potter.
Unfortunately,
as I strive to be an avid traveller, flight is something I need to do in order
to move quickly and efficiently from one location to the next, no matter how
terrifying it may be.
So I have compiled a short and
sweet list of things to do on an airplane to avoid boredom for as long as
possible. And yes, I have done them.
Note: these
suggestions are for commercial flights only. Most of them would be rendered
useless on a private flight because they require other people. However, if I
ever ride in a private plane, I will devise a list of boredom busters for that,
as well.
Let’s start off with what not to
do, no matter how appealing…
1.
Do not watch Pitch Perfect. Or Hairspray. Or
Glee, High School Musical, Camp Rock, etc. Anything that couples a sick beat or
a well-known song with smooth dance moves and at least one attractive person is
a no –no for flights. It took me about fifteen minutes to realize that I was
dancing and singing along to the Barden Bella’s’ finale song, fifteen very long
minutes for the passengers to my left and my right, I’m sure.
2.
Do not lean your seat all the way back and then proceed
to toss back and forth. Dude, I’m trying to write a blog post. Your continual
seat movement is turning it into a blof piostt. I’m about to start pulling out
what is left of your old guy hair if you don’t calm yourself.
3.
Do not think about water, waterfalls, lakes,
rivers, streams, creeks, rain, or anything liquid-based. You will have to pee,
and you’re likely going to have to climb over at least one (but probably two)
people to use the bathroom. You might even have to wait in line, and as soon as
you stand, you know that you’ll have to pee worse. Basically, if you don’t want
to do your pee dance in front of an entire flight full of people that will
judge you, then no thinking about liquid. You’re welcome.
4.
Do not take your freaking shoes off. Seriously.
Put them on. Now. Ya nasty (Raven-Simone voice).
5.
Do not engage in conversation with anyone that
is not your immediate family (sometimes not even then). With nowhere to go for
hours, you’ll be trapped and unable to enjoy the fun things that you’re about
to discover. Then your butt will get numb, and you’ll hate your flight even
more. Trust me. Just say no, and put your ear buds in.
And thing things you should definitely do….
1.
Stare at people until they stare back. Then look
away quickly. As soon as they go back to what they were doing, start staring
again.
2.
Play rock paper scissors. Find somebody sitting a
short distance away from you. Put your hand in the air and make the
rock-paper-scissors motion. If they don’t put their hands up to play, they
probably lead boring lives, and you didn’t want to play with them anyway. Pick
someone else. This is also adaptable to traffic jams.
3.
Do art. Tear apart you plastic cup, your
plastic pretzel bag, you paper towel. Make flowers, stars, or origami if you’re
talented. Make fake origami if you’re just “creative”.
4.
Read your neighbor’s book/emails. Lady to my
right, how’s 50 Shades of Gray? Lady
to my left, you would so lose your job if your boss new about that.
5.
Look for dust. It’s kind of like I-spy except
instead of playing against other people, you play against the airplane.
6.
List countries of the world starting with A and
ending with Z. Good luck with X. (This is me setting you up for failure.)
7.
Play solitaire. It’s free and also addicting.
Your mission: beat my score. I’m at 49 seconds because I’m obviously a solitaire
badass… and also I’m deprived of human interaction.
8.
Play temple run…that high score actually belongs
to my friend Kyle. I’m pretty sure he sold his soul for his temple run skills,
so good luck.
Bonus! Temple Run is an effective way
to pretend to be working out. “Oh, yea, man, I ran for like 3 hours today, bro.
It was totally sick.”
9. Choreograph a dance. Here’s the catch: it has to be
the length of a whole song, and you can’t leave your seat. Please send me
the video.
10. Create
a Lost scenario: If the plane plummeted
to the ground and landed on an island that nobody can find, who would survive
the initial crash? Which people on the plane would be the ones to thrive? Who
wouldn’t stand a chance? If the airplane were to crash, where would be the best
place to be for optimal survival? How would the plane crash? Now that you’re thinking about it, how
do airplanes not crash? It seems
scientifically impossible…No. Never mind. This was a bad idea. Don’t do this
one.
You’re welcome. Also, send me the evidence. And if you get
kicked off the flight, it wasn’t my fault.
XOXO
Safe Travels!
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